


What She Felt Like

by Eightpoundsofhair



Category: The Owl House (Cartoon)
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Lesbian Disaster Amity Blight, Love Confessions, oblivious luz
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-12
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-17 05:54:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28719966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eightpoundsofhair/pseuds/Eightpoundsofhair
Summary: Amity has been trying to confess to Luz about her feelings for a long time. It hasn’t exactly been going well.
Relationships: Amity Blight/Luz Noceda
Comments: 12
Kudos: 178
Collections: Lumity Oneshot Faves





	What She Felt Like

Amity has been trying this for a while. It had yet to go how she anticipated. 

She was, until this point, not the type to confess her feelings to someone. Normally she would let any feelings, especially any of this nature, go wholly unannounced and, as best as she could manage, relatively unfelt. Normally she would just hope that whatever stray feelings she may happen to feel were ones she knew her parents would deem appropriate. She was not a fluff and romance kind of girl. She was not a mushy sentiment and long awaited for kiss type of person. 

But, then again, she had never really felt like this before. 

So, spur of the moment one night, late in the evening, in what was more accurately the very early morning, when she couldn’t sleep and was instead lazily thinking as she played mindless games on her scroll, she decided she had to do it. She had to confess. She had to tell Luz about her feelings. Because this was growing unbearable. Because she didn’t want it to hurt more down the line, if these feelings continued to grow like they had been so far. Because she would like to finally sleep again. 

So she had tried. A few times actually. But something always went wrong. 

The first time was two days after she had first decided it. She was alone with Luz at lunch, a rarity, and as such it was impossible to distract herself. All she could think about as Luz played with her carrots, reenacting whatever dramatized story she was telling about her day with them, was telling her. Unfortunately that thought was removing all of the niceness of her feelings.

Watching Luz didn’t bring the usual joy it normally would have. Instead it left her breathing heavily and sweating anxiously. A terrible weight sunk in her chest; the same she always got right before speaking with her mother when she knew she knew about something Amity had done wrong. The same she got right before she took an exam she was not 115% ready for. 

Unfortunately, Luz was emotionally competent enough to notice something was wrong almost right away. And Amity, caught off guard and panicking, did not deliver the careful speech she had planned, the tentative stepping around feelings and social norms to test the waters she had practiced. Instead she blurted out the words suddenly and unexpectedly in a single, terrible sentence.

“I like you,”

She felt like she usually did right before she threw up. 

Although, while Luz was emotionally competent enough to notice something was wrong she, apparently, wasn’t emotionally competent enough to understand what that really meant. 

She simply laughed, “I like you, too, Amity,” and Amity knew from the tone of her voice that the point had been belabored. Although the subsequent sentence made no question of that, “I’m glad we’re friends,”

Amity felt like she had that time she had told Boscha that she was busy only to see her an hour later at the grocery store. She felt like she did when Edric and Emira joked with a bit too much pointed knowing. She felt like she imagined she would if she were to get squashed by a giant demon or set on fire. But she blinked away the feeling with a thanks and a smile. 

She would try again. She would get another shot. She would, at least, not have to deal with the rejection today. 

**

The next few times went pretty similarly. Different exact moments, different exact details, but each the same.

She had tried her words a few more times. She had tried notes. She had tried a grom proposal and a marketplace date (that word deliberately used by Amity when she proposed the plan) and study sessions and book club meetings but it always fell flat in the end. 

Each time Amity tried she would remember very suddenly what she must inevitably do and notice equally as suddenly how terrified she was. It felt like being dunked under water. It felt like hearing her name shouted out from down a hall when she was just steps away from her room. It felt like knowing she was seconds away from the potential of losing everything. Because she was. 

Usually the anxiety of it kept her from speaking her mind. Or, well, always. 

In a fit of panic she would say something that wasn’t right, wasn’t how she meant it to feel, wasn’t perfect in syntax or diction, and certainly wasn’t as explicitly stated as she now knew Luz needed her to be. She was always vaguely relieved that her fumbling, while noticed and certainly pondered about, oftentimes aloud, was misinterpreted, misunderstood, but she was also always equally as frustrated. How could Luz still, after so many attempts, all varying levels of clear, not understand what Amity meant?

Or, on the other hand, nearly as often she would find herself in that moment, knowing she had to do it then, had to say it that exact second before she lost her chance, and she would seize up in panic and not be able to speak at all. She wouldn’t pass the note or say the “like like” thing she had practiced. Maybe, when she was particularly unlucky, she would start, speak an odd word here or there, disjointed and stuttered, but inevitably, flustered and embarrassed, she would find herself unable. Those moments didn’t feel much better either.

It had been long enough that she thought about giving up. Was quite set on doing so, actually. 

She could live without telling her. After all, surely it was bound to end in disaster, heartbreak and likely complete and total social collapse. After all, all of her attempts thus far had gone almost as bad as what she was sure would happen when she got it right. But if she said nothing she wouldn’t have to deal with that. She wouldn’t have to worry and she wouldn’t have to be hurt. 

All she would have to deal with is the miserable longing and the uncontrollable desires to do things, tell her, touch her, kiss her,  _ anything _ . 

All she would have to deal with was the terrible want to do it right and have it end how she daydreamed it might during class or before she fell asleep at night. All she had to deal with was that dreamy ‘but what if’ and the unavoidable feelings which came with it. 

She could manage that. 

**

Unfortunately, giving up didn’t seem to work either. Despite how hard she tried to push the thought away, despite how often she reminded herself of how much easier it was to not say anything, she couldn’t stop thinking about it. And it was driving her crazy. 

Each time Luz would thoughtlessly place her hand in her’s, a gesture which Amity knew was not reserved for her but still made her feel special beyond words, or when she would smile up at Amity, be it at something she said or did or simply just because Luz was always smiling, leaving Amity warm around the edges and with a tumbling chest, or when she told her about her last class or when she skipped through the halls or did practically _anything_ , it was on her mind. Everything and anything which happened between them left Amity  _ feeling _ , her heart pounding and her stomach flip-flopping and her cheeks warming. Left her feeling as if she herself was the one skipping through the hallways or smiling so wide the expression consumed the majority of her face. Left her feeling like she imagined Luz felt most of the time; like she was floating and the world was good and nothing could go wrong. 

And in those moments she was so overloaded with feeling that she couldn’t contain herself. She wanted to tell her. She wanted to try. She wanted desperately to tell her and for her to reciprocate and for them to embrace and never separate again. 

Unfortunately, by the time the feeling, that inconsolable desire to speak would arrive, it would at once be crushed by something else. Dread. 

Because as much as she wanted to tell her she was growing more and more sure with each day that it would go badly. Would ruin everything between them, these nice moments gone at once with a shattered friendship. Luz would feel uncomfortable. She would tell Amity she hated her and she would never speak to her again. Amity would be left with no friends at all, not even her old ones after all she had said to them recently, and no feelings to lead her through her days aides from terrible shame. Her siblings would find out; her parents. Everything would be ruined. 

But it was hard to ignore the want. And it was harder still when they were alone. Which was proving extra troubling that evening. A sleepover at the Owl House, just the two of them. At Luz’s suggestion. Azura book club. 

A minefield. 

Over and over again she found herself falling through the cycle; overwhelmed by feeling and suddenly desperate to tell her, kiss her, hold her, only for the thought to scare her. She would be left miserable for several minutes until it started all over again, those fluttery feelings, the desire to tell, returning as if they had never left. 

It was awful. 

Yet as she grew more and more tired, as the night extended, things started shifting.

The more tired they both grew the more they fell into each other. Luz was touchy to begin with but as her eyes started to sag she became more so. She wrapped the two of them up in blankets as they talked and slowly moved over, so subtly that Amity was sure she couldn’t have noticed she was doing it, until they were sat flush together. Their shoulders bumped and jutted into one another as Luz leaned even further into Amity to reach for something over her and when she had retrieved it, a bag of chips, although Amity could hardly pay attention to that, she stayed there. She cuddled into Amity’s side entirely, dropping the chips with a sigh, and rested her head on the crook of Amity’s shoulder with a murmured little, “‘s okay?”

Amity was glad that Luz was so tired because even with how oblivious Luz had been she was sure this, now, would have given it away if she was awake enough to pay attention. Her hands shook and her body stiffened and her cheeks flushed and she began to sweat but even still she let herself release a blunt and quick little “Yes,”

Luz didn’t sleep right away but at the confirmation she hummed and wiggled her way into Amity somehow even closer, leaning so that most of her weight was pressed onto her. Her hands rested loosely around her body, and with shaking hands Amity grabbed her back. She took a slow breath and leant into the feeling herself and was surprised to find that as she did the fear, the unpleasant bite of the nerves, the dread, floated away at once.

Because being with Luz like this felt like sitting in the sunshine midafternoon on a lazy summer’s day. When she had no homework to do and her parents were at work for hours still to come and her siblings were running out of steam and settling, too, into their spots on the back porch. 

She felt like the rays of warmth, all consuming and lullingly pleasant. She felt like the lazy peace of nothing to think about but the sound of birds across the yard and the warmth radiating on her skin. 

She felt like the relief of an evening alone. Homework finished days ahead of time and the sudden realization that there was nothing else to do. She felt like the pleasant excitement of a night where she had no obligations but occupying herself with music or a book or drawing or whatever she wanted. 

She felt like the comfort of a warm soup on a cold evening. A mug of hot chocolate on a snowy one. The breath of relief when dinner went over easy with nothing being asked of her when she left the table and no tense air as she ate. 

She felt like the odd evening she was pulled into by the twins. A prank she didn’t agree to participate in or a movie night she would never have found the time for if she wasn’t physically dragged by the arm into one of their rooms to attend. She felt like that jovial joy, unexpected and surprising on an otherwise mundane day. She felt like feeling at peace in her own home, not a separate entity but one of the three of them. 

She felt like the smell of morning dew, peaceful and natural and full. She felt like a pretty rock sitting sparkling in the sun. She felt like resting by a stream, listening to the roar of the water. She felt like lying in the grass and staring up at the night sky. She felt like watching the sunset from the perfect vantage point. 

She felt like smiling and breathing and sunshine and comfort. 

But more than that. She felt like nothing Amity had ever felt before. 

She felt like flushed cheeks and sweaty hands but somehow, irreparably, a feeling of not caring about it. She felt like not looking at who was looking, not thinking about what they said, not worrying about who might find out.

She felt like safety and joy and peace and prosperity like Amity could never express. Like she had never imagined possible. Like she had never felt before. 

So, sitting there, squished into her side, Amity’s chest radiating warmth and comfort and love like the warm rays of the sun, the idea of telling her, knowing she was going to tell her, wouldn’t be able to stop telling her until she understood, didn’t feel scary anymore. 

“Luz?” She murmured lazily, watching as Luz’s eyes blinked slowly open to turn onto her. 

“Hm?” She hummed sweetly, her voice high and gentle with the onslaught of sleep. The sound left Amity feeling like she had fallen asleep in the sunshine on a Saturday morning. 

“I like you,” 

And to her surprise it wasn’t scary to say this time around. Not in the slightest. Even as the words left her, released for Luz to hear, the worry, the nerves, stayed away. 

Even when she knew exactly what was coming. 

Luz smiled at her, her eyes blinking a bit wider as she woke herself up, although not enough for true recognition to have set in. Despite it, despite the normal mutual sigh of relief and weighty despair that would have otherwise overcome her, Amity felt like she was wetting her feet in the water of the lake on a hot July day. 

“I like you, too, Amity. You’re a great friend,”

And the confirmation of the missed point, for what felt like the millionth time by now, somehow made Amity feel like she had just helped Emira prank Edric. It really was sweet how much of an idiot she could be. She smiled, “No. I  _ like  _ you, Luz. Romantically,”

At this Luz’s eyes _really_ widened and she, for the first time Amity could recall, went just as red as Amity usually did. But even still, she was smiling. The sight left Amity feeling like she had aced an exam. Like she had been let out of class early. Like she had won a trillion snails. Like the universe could explode in a wonderful display of overenthusiasm. Like more than she could ever describe. She felt herself growing teary. 

“You do?” Luz asked, she, too, holding tears in her eyes, even when she was beaming. 

“Yeah,” Amity smiled, happy and blossoming and smiling as bright as Luz usually did. Feeling more than she could bear. More than she ever had before. More than she could have ever imagined. Feeling incredible, “A lot,”

“I like you, too! Romantically,” Luz fumbled over her words, stuttering and high pitched and rapidly spoke as she grew even redder. But still, she cleared her throat and quickly grabbed Amity’s hands with her usual smile, “Can I kiss you?” she asked, a hint of gentle nervousness in her voice, although Amity could hardly notice that. She felt like she would combust. Like fireworks were going off in her head. Like the angels were singing to her. 

Amity laughed and let herself move, pulling Luz’s face into hers. Finally. 

It felt like nothing Amity had ever felt before and everything all at once. 

It felt like bliss.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this one’s draft in two days????? Literally all of it but the beginning of the last scene I wrote in one day??? This is the fastest I have written anything in my life??? Granted it’s short but I am still shocked, it came out of nowhere (it came to me mid walk) and I literally could not stop writing it until it was done.  
> In any case I hope you like it because I had a LOT of fun writing it! It was super nice to feel so suddenly inspired. Please please please leave me a comment!! And I hope you have a wonderful day :)


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